I appreciate..

Any sentence that begins with "I appreciate all that you do" it "I appreciate you" seems to be code for "I am really selfish and I am just trying to prevent you from calling me out on it". If someone truly appreciates you they don't have to say it. Their actions will tell tales words could never show. 

People tend to use those words as some form or barometer to measure your dedication and "loyalty". Sad to say, but there are very few people who sees those words for what they are truly worth.

It really annoys me when ones behavior is so wrapped around ones own ideas that they are unable to see things for what they really are. I swear the older I get the less tolerable I am of the foolish behavior pple try to forcefeed you as truth. I'm so over it..

Addictions...

Come in all types, shapes and forms. We can become addicted to just about anything we come across. It's an internal battle we face that challenges us from deep in our souls. Some addictions are what I would consider mild or tame while others can lead to the destruction of everything we know. When we are faced with these things we are not concerned with the effects that these actions will have on our "loved ones". Self gratification is the only thing we are concerned with. Now if you come across a friend, lover, peer with one of these self destructive traits hat should you do? You you drop hints, speak bluntly or offer help to this individual; or do you simply ignore and try to act as if nothing is the matter. If we choose to ignore; unknowingly we become immediately affected. Our attitude, respect and behavior around this person will change causing a strain in the relationship. If you confront the person you can immediately expect DENIAL, anger and resentment because you are forcing them to face a problems that they are fighting hard to keep a secret from those around them. 

But if you care for someone regardless of anything you will be doing an injustice by keeping the information to yourself. Reach out and confront the situation.. In the end at least you know that you had the best intentions and even of the person shuns you; you can still walk with your head held high... 

Trying to play catchup..

This seems like the consistent theme of my day to day life. Since I'm trying to whole heartedly dedicate myself to getting fit and eat better I kind of over exerted  myself this weekend which resulted in my 7 days of blog entries. So this is one of my attempts to make up for lost time. 

I remember when I was in elementary school a day seemed to last forever. There was always time to get things done. Forget summer vacation. You felt as if you spent a quarter of the year out of school when it was only a couple of months. Now 24 hrs whizz by so fast we feel short changed. The only way I am somewhat able to keep track of a year are by the developmental mile stones of my children. Each passing month results in significant changes in their skills that it is almost impossible not to keep more. But at the same time it seems as though I am unable to keep track of the things (or lack there of) in my own life. It almost feels as if my life is just here to sustain theirs. A vain attempt to try and steer them in a direction that will do nothing but benefit them. Although I am fully aware that one of the things that make us human is our ability to make out own mistakes which may or may not allow us to grow and learn from our mistakes and life lessons. 

Now back to the time.. My time there has got to be a way that I will be able to make better use of my 24 hrs while achieving the maximum benefit. Playing catchup day to day is nothing short of frustrating an tiring. Trying to set and maintain a schedule when parenting continues to fling wrenches at every given chance seems like a suicide mission. But I am digging deep to draw out the passion and motivation required to do better. I have 4 lives that are depending on my overall success; that is a pressure in itself that is indescribable but it's the facts of my life. One that I have to keep. Here's to my new 24....

Love, Relationships...

And Marriages?

So this topic was suggested by a friend of mine BN; hopefully I will do it justice. I must say in advance that this subject will be revisited.

It's so funny how enthused I was when I was younger to get married. I figured that by the time I was 30 I would find the man of my dreams and we would start our lives together. I am probably one of a handful left of people from my JHS class that is married and or engaged. Do I feel a way about it? Nope, not even in the slightest. As I sit here I wonder why we are so consumed with having someone around that loves us unconditionally. Shouldn't we have enough self love to full that void?  

I am constantly bombarded with the question regarding when my "future wedding". I must have missed the group conversation I had stating that getting married was on the top ten list of things I hope to accomplish. 

But I would like to know what exactly is the purpose of marriage. It's a legal contract binding two pple together. How loving is that? How romantic.. Yet it seems as though some members of society do it prove a ship.

To be cont...

They Say

That if you speak your goals and desires into the universe, they will eventually pan out. But no one specifies how you actually go about doing this. Do you pray for change? Do you write it on a piece of paper daily and hide it around your personal items to keep as a daily reminder? Do you put it on a piece of paper and wear it on the inside of your shoes? Or do you just simply think it into existence? I really would love to know how to go about this. 

I never thought that I would be in a situation I wish I could eradicate from my history. I just wish I would wake up one day and this burden would just evaporate like dewy grass under a beam of sun. 

As you get older you realize that people become so absorbed in themselves they are totally oblivious to how their selfishness affects those around them. They are constantly in denial regarding the how much their presence hurts those they claim they love. Now I always know that my life lives to demonstrate its oxymoronic tendencies daily, but I've grown to love and appreciate these quirks as one of the main things that makes me me. *For example I was born under the sign of a cat in the year of the dog- Leo/1982 Chinese Astrology.

Now I know many of you don't believe in astrology but a coincidence is a coincidence.*

Maybe I too need to learn how to be selfish... 

7 Days...

Possibly 7 blogs.. Who knows, maybe it will be more. 

So I don't know where I came up with this bright idea but I am going to try to document some aspect of my life for the next week. Now for the very few people that follow my writing you know that there is never any real direction to my writing. So I honestly do not know the outcome of this project. 

One of the biggest issues I have when it comes to maintaining this blog is (1) poor timing and (2) super fast thoughts. If I had the ability to transcribe my thoughts then i probably would have enough material for a book. But because I don't think that I have the ability to capture my thought in its original form, the blogging process is neglected. 

So here I am.. A ball of tangled up yarn trying to find my ends. I have so many projects that I have been attempting to complete; but as usual life doesn't feel they it is in my best interest to allow me to commit to anything with ease. I am trying to totally clean up my diet, get fit, and most important find the happiness that has been lost. Now I have made feeble attempts at all of these things throughout the year only to lose the drive and motivation. I don't want to sit and complain about my "hardships" but every day it's something else. I'm just hoping that by the end of the year at least one of my goals will be met. I guess The least I can do is be somewhat optimistic. 

I definitely have quite a few things I'm sure my fingers would love to get off my chest, but if I choose to transcribe these emotions i Hope I am able to show you it's true passion. So until the next entry...

Opinions..

Are like.. Well I'm sure you know that sentence is supposed to end. But feel free to insert what ever suits you. I added this first sentence a couple days ago as an attempt to jump start my memory. Of course that has somewhat failed.. But whatever....

One pet peeve that I've always had with people is their need/want/desire to force feed you with ideas they consider to be right. It's like no one respects anyone for acting, reacting, or proccessing information in a way that makes them unique. If we were all designed to think and live the same then nature would have created us in such a manner. Since we are all different variations of the same thing that should be enough evidence that differences should be respected. Society is so caught up with the ideas of superiority and perfection. Anyone with even just a smidgeon of common sense know that there is no standard definition of these things. The differing variables are  the things that makes us perfect. Instead of wanting to change the in changeable e should embrace these features and fin out how we can coexist and use these differences to build on and make our stay on earth a more pleasant one. But levels of arrogance and ignorance will forever be the downfall of this species. We get better satisfaction in tearing down instead of building up. 

Hope for the preserverance of our selves we begin to open our eyes and strive to do better; or face the beginning of our end.

Settlement Money o____0

So just as I was waiting for my iron horse to come and take me to my destination I am approached by a guy from "Virginia". He looks to be about mid- to late late 40's an oozes that hood rich fashion swag. As he walked up to me the first thing he utters to me is "Can I buy you breakfast?" I promptly declined and continue to check in via foursquare. He then asks if I want his number which he already had prescribed on a stack of mini note pads. So I took it to appease the fool, silently hoping he would continue to head to "Ocean Ave" to go get this settlement money that he was to claim from his lawyer. Apparently his grandma was rear ended in an car accident and he was get 37K as the settlement ( which by the way he felt the urge to show me a picture of).
I guess He felt further need to say that he would like to "Spend money on me because he is from Virginia.. Blah blah blah". So persistently he asked for my number once again and I was promptly recited the cell number that I had 11 years ago. Happy he walks away from the exit he should have headed towards.
To make this even funnier his idea if spending money is going to BBQ's.. I can't. So I hope he has fun today spending off that huge load of settlement money. I sigh in relief as my iron horse pulls into the station. By far one of the longest 3 minutes of my life.

If anyone is looking for a "good time" his info is below.. Not sure how much of a chance you have since the whole pad was filled up with his info.

Aw well zero fucks given..

TGIF

I Got 5 On It....

It's so funny how music proves to be one of the best ways to keep track of our lives. I'm sure as we listen to our iPods, Pandora, Spotify or radio we often hear tracks that take us back to a specific point of our lives. Whether it be good, bad or indifferent as long as these songs still exist in that endless musical library there will always be a chance that you will have some form of mental relapse.

Now as you can see its been quite a while since my last entry. I've been toying with the idea of at least trying to do a blog entry for what seems like forever. I have one of main confidants that can attest to that. Now by reading my entries I can't guarantee that there will be any specific direction, but it will be a raw and uncut look into the way I see the world. I have never been one to follow trends or ideas that the masses seen to gravitate to but I have express my self better in literary form *at least in my opinion*. So if you do find your self on here I hope you enjoy your stay 😊.

I think that I have not been too successful at this blogging thing is because my brain just processes the things I see and notice faster than my ability to reach for my device of choice to capture the moment. There are so many things that I see/experience that I feel are worthy of sharing but the moment never seems right. But hopefully I can now change that, even if its one line at a time.

I must say, it's feels somewhat therapeutic as I pen even this short entry. I'm on the road to Live, Laugh, & Love more!!