Compassion...

Or lack there of...
There comes a point and a time where you just disconnect yourself from what once was. Was all that time and effort and emotion really worth the end result.. Did you really learn or gain any useful information that can be applied to something else you may come across? I know the old saying is that we are able to learn from everything that occurs in our lives good bad or ugly. But what if you know that in this case it didn't quite go that way. If you could would you just erase that whole section from your memory and carry on like it never existed. Well as great as that sounds there is always a hole in the kite preventing it from flying... Before you really woke up from your sweet dream yet beautiful nightmare you were unknowingly securing the anchors that would test your strength on levels you never imagined you would have to reach.

Why we feel the need to secure our misery and let our happiness fly freely is something I probably will never understand. I seemed to have obtained a membership I cant seem to shake for like a decade now. Was there not an expiration date in the fine print... wait... I ignored it...

Ever wonder...

How different your day would have been if you chose to go left instead of going right. If you ignored that person that is now permanently etched in your life... If you paid attention and put more effort in that subject you enjoyed.... If you keep you first in everything you did... well if you were unable to then we are probably feeling regret.. As the year continues to fly by, and my goals seem to get further and further from my reach. With that comes a feeling of complete and utter disappointment with my self. Over the past 11 years I am unable to list 5 moments where I have been happy, satisfied with the choices I have made...
My "hope" is lost in the deep black sea.. my "faith" is dwindling like a dying star in the solar system... my "love" of anything is, well I dont what that is... and my "luck"... well let's just say I have to laugh at the idea that I might actually have any of that thing.
If this is what being defeated feels and looks like then I might as well say I'm on my way to getting my doctorate....

Just found this in my drafts.. smh @ my emotions. I wrote this in May..

Ugh

Ever get to the point where the little patience you have is now nowhere in sight...where simple conversations and occurrences that normally should have no effect on you, but yet you end up ticked off? Well welcome to my current state. A quarter through the year and yet the gold bucket at the end of the rainbow is no where in sight. It's like the only direction for things to turn is down. Now some may say is believe that positive attitudes yield positive results...
I know this may sound hard to believe, but I an not one of those believers. Sometimes it takes way more than sheer will for the direction of your life to change... but I guess I need to start wishing on a star or entire galaxy....

YAY ME!!!!!! -______-

A situation all too familiar...

Now I am not typically the type to put all of my business out there but this morning I saw a situation that struck home. A dad on the train with his daughter. Now normally this is quite the norm when fathers are out with their child. What's so disturbing about this image was the fact that the little girl, aged between 5-8 was clearly uncomfortable around this man. Now if you were not utilized with common sense you might have thought homeboy was running away with the little girl. I guess it didn't help that he was talking to her with mobile device in hand. 
Now having children is not only a conscious decision made by a woman, but she can't get to that stage without the additional 23 chromosomes provided by her mate, sperm doner or whatever other term fits your situation. Why is it a constant struggle between the sexes to take care of our young. If you don't want kids have a vasectomy or appropriate sterilization technique to ensure that the "responsibilities" aren't conceived.
I don't know..
It's just frustrating to raise a kid with a proud absent father around... and the ones that suffer the most are the newest members of the world.

It's a fucked up situation that I see no end to... which in this day and age is an absolute shame....

Bag on seat = Yuh schupid

So, I'm on one the regularly crowded train...  when this temporary entertainment transpired...

Dougla trinity: yuh have yuh big bag on the seat and its squeezing my child
Asian lady: Why are you talking to me. I will call the police. Don't sit next to me. You crazy.
DT: Yuh schupid... you squeezing my child you need to give people proper space to sit.
AL: It's not my fault your butt big, and mine is not... your a pig. You not good mother, you embarrass your daughter.
DT: yuh schupid... yuh must sit properly...(I was waiting
for "hol yuh mudda cunt", but it never happened...lol)

Dwl...I wish I could have transcribed better, but as I lol in my seat, the transfer of words has escaped me...

Lol...

So I am on my way to work. Sitting on the train minding my business, out of nowhere you see a book thrown from the crowd where it slammed against the door, barely missing the passenger standing right there. As we all turn to see what the commotion was, the owner apologized for her behavior. When concerned passengers asked her what was wrong, we found out that it was a big, bad, SPIDER...... that was crawling by her ear.

I cant front... I HATE spiders too so I don't doubt that my reaction would be similar. But it was still a "lol" moment...

Correct advice....

I think not.....

So this little boy come on the train. He start crying because he is not on the train he wanted. So he's repeating "I want the "T" train, I want the "T" train". The poor thing is on the "I" train.
So the passenger who is full of wisdom proceeds to tell the boy that he is on the "T" train, the conductor made a mistake.... Really.... really ....
You tell the kid foolishness just to get him to shut up....-___-

I am all about kids being silent, but not at the expense of there intelligence. These kids are our future, I would hope that we would be concerned at promoting and encouraging the importance of KNOWLEDGE!

Is the MTA....

The new Apollo... it almost never fails. Everytime I am in the subway I always seen to come across those individuals who love to "demonstrate" their talents, or lack there of, in the crowded subway. IDK about you but this almost always feels like an invasion of my space, regardless how limited it may be. Bad enough with all the service cuts there never seems to be an offpeak crowd anymore...

Now back to what I was saying, you have these singers, dancers, seeing blind people, prophets, preachers, and what ever else that comes on the train requesting donations for there services. I don't know about you but I put a lot of my limited resources towards technological advancements which are used to relax me and ignore any marachi bands that decides to showcase their native talents. That being said it should be a clear indicator that your services are not the slightest bit wanted here. Now what's ironic about these metro talents is that there is a good chance that they "earn" more money a year than you do going to work everyday. Now frankly that is a bit unnerving, maybe I should quit my job and sing and dance my way through subway cars. I wonder if ill get more money if I bring the kids. Would that be considered child labor...lol
I doubt I will ever try to experience this on my own, but at least my brain doesn't hurt by thinking...

De Ja Vu

It's so funny how history repeats itself. About 24 years ago I took switch blade and made about a 6" slit in the top sheet and blamed my part nutmeg little cousin for doing the deed. Now it might have been believable if she was capable of grasping since she was a mere 3-4 months old....

Fast forward now 24 years and my oldest take pair of safety scissors and makes about a foot long slice in the top of the comforter she then covered with a pillow... I decided to cover mine up with a kerchief....lol.

I guess the saying is true "you can't get sour sap from a guinep tree!"

Lack of education results in....

Absolute fuckery at the check out....

Sooo I decide to take a rare lunch and follow my coworkers to K-Mart. I wasn't planning on making a purchase but I saw some socks that my girlies are in need of. Its my turn to approach the register, which I figured shouldn't take more than 3 minutes to ring up. The "cashier" Alicia asks if I would like to sign up for the store's rewards card. I figured at most it would take up an additional 2 minutes of my time...................

She asks me for my information, starting with my name. Now it was obvious she was not familiar with a QWERTY keyboard.....at all. On top of that she has the attention span of an impaired goldfish. After repeating the first 3 letters of my name until she was able to key it in correctly we get to the dreaded happen...  She didn't have the slightest clue what or where the"dash was...  After about 20 seconds of her unsuccessfully searching for this phantom character I instructed her to its location and provided her with the letters that followed. Now I had to spell everything for her including my street name and address.....patience is almost see thru at this point because about 10 mins have now gone by.... now she has to key in my birthday which for story sake is 3/23/2003... she is unable to key that in properly... finally I advise her the correct way it needs to be entered in order for the computer to take it 03/23/2003...-_- (please note I was advised to slow down because I was saying the information faster than her brain was able to comprehend)

By this time my coworker has already bagged my 2 packs of socks because god forbid she is left with that tedious task. So I ask for the total, her response "you only had two items right?" Shouldn't you know that..........

Morale of the story... if the person if your cashier looks questionable PLEASE save your time and brain power and keep things as simple as possible. A mind is a terrible thing to waste and its pointless to sacrifice yours when someone else's has already been fully degraded..

Monday Blues...

No matter now old I get I can never even begin to enjoy waking up on a Monday morning. Its rather depressing to know the unresolved mess that you left undone on Friday now has to be revisited and hopefully resolved today. It sucks even more when there are holidays your company fails to acknowledge. But I guess that just some of the things you have to deal with to ensure that that direct deposit is uninterrupted every 2 weeks. The things we need to do in order to survive....

Blogging, I wondered to myself what was the big deal about having a blog. But I kind of realize that its just another way for you to let go of those random thoughts that often clog our brain. There is so much "noise" that goes on in my head that I am hoping this will help me bring back some of the sanity I have lost over the last couple of years. I don't really expect 6 first couple of posts to make sense and I know if will jump around like a school girl playing hop scotch..1,2,3 (you get the point).

Lazy Days...

If anyone would have ever mentioned what my future would entail by the time I turned 28, I wouldn't believe them. I totally miss the alone time I had. I miss it so much that if given the opportunity to trade some of my so called " accomplishments" in an instant. The one thing I learned from young is that everyone is not built for everything. Yet I spend a great deal of time wondering why I was "built" for this. Could this be one of life's many not so funny funnies?  It seems more like a chore majority of the time. Maybe as more time passes I will consider it a "blessing" but deep down I really don't see this happening. But I guess a lil optimism goes a long way -_-.......

I am soooo not convinced......